on changing where you get your ideas of what's hot
You know, it is 100% true that in the 6 years I haven’t had a TV and haven’t read any mainstream media publications, and instead have looked at hot people mostly through feminist/queer internet spaces (queer porn, Tumblr, blogs), my gut-level inclinations to find someone hot have changed so much. It really does wonders for knocking the skinny white straight cis supermodel off her pedestal, so fuck everyone who thinks you just “can’t help what you’re attracted to”.
No More Apologies is a day-long sex talk, designed to name and address the exclusion of queer trans women from broader queer women’s sexual communities.
Social exclusion negatively impacts trans queer women’s sexual, emotional, and psychological health; meanwhile, by excluding trans women from our communities, cis queer women are missing out on a multitude of sexy, wonderful women to love, fuck, and connect with.
Join us for this long overdue conversation and call to action about how to transform our talk about trans inclusion into practice.
Because trans inclusion means more than including trans men in our communities.
Because trans inclusion means more than just saying “women and trans people” in our mission statements.
Because welcoming trans women into our spaces is not the same as welcoming them into our beds.
Because our actions are speaking louder than our words.
· 2:00-2:45PM: “What we’re all here for”: Opening plenary by Drew DeVeaux
· 3:00-4:15PM: Brazen: A pleasure-based sexual health workshop for trans women and the folks who are into us, facilitated by Morgan M Page
o Trans women talk: A discussion on experiences of exclusion in the queer women’s community
o Cis women talk: A discussion on trans women’s inclusion in the queer women’s community
· 6-7PM: Coming/cumming together: A dialogue between trans/cis queer women (Facilitators TBA)
· 9pm: Join us for Cum2GetHer, a post-conference dance party at The Tranzac AND the launch of BRAZEN: The Trans Women’s Safer Sex Guide, a new book from the 519 Church Street Community Centre. Hosted by Drew Deveaux with homo-gogo’s and sounds by DJ L-Rock (Yes Yes Y’all) and DJ Mama Knows (Get It | Got It | Good). While the conference is only for queer trans and cis women, all are welcome to the party.
Things you should know:
· This conference welcomes both trans and cis women who have sex with women.
· The conference space is wheelchair accessible, and interpreter/attendant services can be made available upon request. TTC tokens will also be made available for conference attendees. Please let us know if there are any other ways that we can make this conference accessible for you!
· For the well-being of attendees with multiple chemical sensitivities, we ask that you please avoid wearing scented products like perfume, cologne, scented lotions, or any other chemical-based products to the event.
A French businessman has set up a fund to pay fines for women who wear Islamic veils or the burqa in public “in whatever country in the world that bans women from doing so”.
Rachid Nekkaz, 38, a real-estate businessman based in Paris, travelled to Belgium on Wednesday to pay 100 euros for two women fined in the first case in the country since the law was adopted there.
“I’m in favour of a law to convict a husband who forces a women to wear the niqab and who forces her to stay at home. But I’m also for a law that lets these women move freely in the streets, because freedom of movement, just like any freedom, is the most fundamental thing in a democracy, ” Nekkaz told reporters outside the courtroom in Belgium.
The same day, he paid a 75 euro fine for a woman in the north-eastern French town of Roubaix.
“I am calling for civil disobedience,” he told FRANCE 24. “I am telling women to not be afraid to go out wearing their veils. And by paying the fines, I am neutering the law, rendering it inefficient and pointless, showing that it doesn’t work. It is a humiliation for the politicians.”
Despite this initiative, Nekkaz disapproves of the veil. “How can a woman truly integrate or find a job if her face is hidden?” he asked…
“It is unacceptable that they are victimising innocent women who are going about their daily lives. They are not targeting the real criminals, the men who do not even let their wives leave the house.”
Also what happens to Cersei in ADWD isn’t a “fitting” or “appropriate” penance because she’s used her body to get her power and she’s therefore being suitably punished for using physical seduction when she should have been using political smarts or military skills.
“Realizing that other people have a problem with [homosexuality] was the weirdest thing for me. As a kid it wasn’t even something that was mentioned. It was never something that was even explained to me. It was just, “That’s Mark and he’s gay.” Mark was just another friend of my dad’s who would talk about his boyfriend instead of his girlfriend. I was 5. I didn’t care. It seemed perfectly normal, and still does….It just drives me crazy…that people can make such sweeping, ignorant statements and bring religion into it….Why would you want a god that’s up there picking and choosing who he lets in?…That doesn’t make any sense.”—
In talking about polyamory relationship success, I do take as a given that you’re a rational grown-up. Relationships are for grown-ups. If you’re not a grown-up, fix that, first. Own your own shit, realize the world doesn’t revolve around you, have some basic self-knowledge and the ability to communicate honestly. If you don’t have those things, this article isn’t going to be worth a damn to you.
Okay, now that the children are upstairs listening at the doorway, I want to talk a bit about the single factor that makes the most difference in the success or failure of polyamory relationship success – partner selection.
I want it clear that you are a grown-up. You know better than to map “good partner for you” to “good human being”, right? There are billions of good people in this world that would make a crappy partner for you. Got it?
Poly partner selection breaks down into two basic classifications. The first question you need to ask is, “Is this person a grown-up?” Only date grown-ups. That’s flat. You might make a badly-informed decision otherwise, but if you restrict your dating to grown-ups, even the mistakes will be considerably less painful and will not involve peripheral drama and nonsense. Really, if you follow the rule of only dating grownups you’ve solved a good 90% of the problems right there.
Owns his own shit.
Tells the truth.
Knows how to set appropriate boundaries
Knows that ultimately he is the one finally responsible for getting his needs met.
Knows how to ask for what she wants.
Knows the difference between a request and a demand.
Knows that the world does not revolve around him, so is not quick to take everything personally.
There. Really you can stop reading. If your partners meet those criteria, you’ve eliminated a lot of problems. <snip>
I get so tired of people presuming that you’re starting to do poly, and that you’re by default monogamous. This is a great list of stuff you should think about and questions you should ask yourself, but I’m sorry, polyamory is not any more “for grown-ups” than monogamy is, and relationships are not only “for grown-ups” either. Everyone learns, everyone’s relationships get better as they have more of them.
Monogamy is not the default for some people. Some people aren’t monogamous thinking about becoming poly. And I think people who are already nonmonogamous when they start having relationships have JUST as much right to be ignorant about themselves and their relationship styles as people who are monogamous when they start having relationships. Attitudes that people need to “be grown-ups,” attitudes that people need to be as perfect and healthy as possible before they can be poly is exclusionary and discriminatory as fuck, against young people, against people who have mental illnesses, and against people in general who for whatever reason haven’t yet had opportunities to figure this shit out. These people are entitled to stumble and fall and fix it in poly relationships too, if that’s what they believe in and what they want their relationships to look like. I guess at least this one concludes with “you can learn these things; I remember being young”…
of all the responses to the original post, this one has remained in my mind. mostly because i think she doth protest too much.
personally, i think that relationships are for grown-ups - at least if you’re a grown-up yourself, which is the explicitly stated assumption by the original author. why would a grown-up want to deal with all the adolescent bs of someone who hasn’t yet figured out their own shit? that’s bad enough when there are only two of you; when you expand the field to include multiple relationships, that’s just a recipe for disaster. if you’re all non-grown-ups, that’s one thing. have at it. fuck each other up. learn from it. but there’s no reason to expect a rational adult to want to upend his/her life - and the lives of various and sundry paramours - by bringing an emotional child into the mix.
also, “grown-up” is very specifically defined as attitude and awareness, not age. i’ve known eighteen year olds who fit that definition, and thirty-five year olds who don’t. and the whole “OMG that’s discriminatory against people with mental illness!” schtick is insulting. you know what’s discriminatory? presuming that people with mental illness are incapable of self-awareness.
you thought I didn’t really notice. But I did. I wanted to high-five you. Yesterday I had a pair of brothers in my store. One was maybe between 15-17. He was a wrestler at the local high school. Kind of tall, stocky and handsome. He had a younger brother, who…
… that the results of the creepy survey, in a few months, will be used to school the women who read Jezebel about what constitutes a “proper” and “healthy” porn watching/ masturbation habit? So, those who inadvertently answer the questions (as in, people who might not be aware of this guy’s…
Last week, my friend and I drunkenly tried to count the number of billboards, shops, advertisements used the term “modern” and we stopped at 36 as something shinier came by. For a country that wants to proclaim ‘modernity’ on every turn that it possibly…