Our femininities are often marginalized and delegitimized. We are often seen as heteronormative, apolitical, less radical, and less queer in a community where being visible and valued depends on being masculine or androgynous.
This femmephobia in queer communities—this devaluation and stigmatization of queer femininity—is a form of misogyny that is rooted in dominant patriarchal culture. It’s a form of sexism that intersects with cissexist, heterosexist, racist, classist, ableist, and sizeist views of femininity, women, and what it means to be queer.
The accusation that femme women “pass as straight” undermines our own self-definitions of our femme identities, our empowered embracing of our femininities, and our blatant disruption of the normative constructs of what it means to be feminine and a woman.
“Ancient moon priestesses were called virgins. ‘Virgin’ meant not married, not belong to a man-a woman who was ‘one-in-herself.’ The very word derives from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill; and was later applied to men: virle. Ishtar, Diana, Astarte, Isis were all all called virgin, which did not refer to sexual chasity, but sexual independence. And all great culture heroes of the past…, mythic or historic, were said to be born of virgin mothers: Marduk, Gilgamesh, Buddha, Osiris, Dionysus, Genghis Khan, Jesus-they were all affirmed as sons of the Great Mother, of the Original One, their worldly power deriving from her. When the Hebrews used the word, and in the original Aramatic, it meant ‘maiden’ or ‘young woman’, with no connotations to sexual chasity. But later Christian translators could not conceive of the ‘Virgin Mary’ as a woman of independent sexuality, needless to say; they distorted the meaning into sexually pure, chaste, never touched. When Joan of Arc, with her witch coven associations, was called La Pucelle-‘the Maiden,’ ‘the Virgin’ - the word retained some of its original pagan sense of a strong and independent woman. The Moon Goddess was worshipped in orgiastic rites, being the divinity of matriarchal women free to take as many lovers as they choose. Women could ‘surrender’ themselves to the Goddess by making love to a stranger in her temple.”—Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor in the book “The Great Cosmic Mother -Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth” (via chromefoam)
The whole thing is disquieting (that's why it's my tag). I was just taken aback! And I'm sure that's true, but I have not read a lot of BDSM literotica so this is all pretty eye-opening.
right, i was just sensing a little hint of The Sexism between the tampon gross-out and the “i sure hope this was written by a woman” post (but maybe the latter was more along the “this horribly done D/s shit is more palatable written by a lady than by a dude with a giant ego” lines than “surely a dude could not write such objectionable drivel”).
and yes. the whole thing is disquieting. i was tweeting random lines last weekend in utter horror.
Me: oh. OH. oh. OH. Mom: What? Me: OH. Brother: Did something gross just happen in your terrible book? Me: HE JUST YANKED OUT HER TAMPON Mom: Well yeah, he’s gonna fuck her! *stunned silence* Mom: He doesn’t care! He ~loves~ her. Brother: NOPE.
ummmm. yeah this is not the disquieting part of the book? also, literotica is full of terrible bdsm porn written by dudes. just. sayin’.
work happening full time as always with increased stress due to: interview tomorrow for a potential job change (eeeek), close coworker’s partner having a baby/pending parental leave (brunch/shower this weekend, also)
posting on [real] cuntext once a week for more than a month, now going to twice a month instead to allow for all the other shit going on
still teaching yoga once a week
ramping up my personal yoga practice to maintain sanity with so much stuff going on, practicing 3-6 days a week no matter what
offering a workshop at a yoga festival in early june that i have to finish designing/planning
starting a new yoga teacher certification for the summer on june 4th; it’ll be one-on-one video calls every other week, plus assignments and practicums
may be joining the board of a major provincial reproductive justice org
making sure to stay engaged with and supportive of the local leatherdyke community that i’m new to but crushing on really hard so don’t want to bail despite having so many other things happening
today i received an extremely romantic and extremely intense snail mail love letter from the monogamish girl i’m dating, and will have to spend a few hours this weekend writing a response and then seeing her to talk about it
while i am:
still a giant, giant introvert who requires tons of alone time to figure shit out and get shit done
still a person with borderline personality disorder, who has a pretty hard time figuring shit (read: emotions, and which ones i am currently actually feeling) out
still a person with major anxiety, who has a pretty hard time getting shit done sometimes
What I am saying here is this: don’t just open your eyes. It’s not enough.
Seeing my pencil skirt isn’t enough to tell you I’m femme. Seeing me with a butch isn’t enough to tell you I’m femme. These signifiers can be hints–take them as an invitation to your senses, all of them. Especially the senses that are deeper than the usual five, your sense of space, of proximity, of vibes, if you will. Noting the aesthetics of clothing or makeup or hair is not enough, because aesthetics are not enough to convey something as complex as one’s gender/identity. When we rely on aesthetics, we get lazy and reductive. When we are lazy, we make people invisible by refusing to recognize them, as what they are and as part of our communities–for identities are intelligible only in communities. When we are lazy, we take trans femmes for drag queens and straight white hipsters for femmes. In our laziness we reduce the entirety of femme to the singularity of an aesthetic: one type of body (with tits), one way of dressing, one way of partnering and fucking. Question your desire. Do more. See more.