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pervocracy:

Dear anti-BDSM blogs:

When you reblog kinksters telling each other “don’t play with X/go to Y party, we’ve heard reports of them violating consent or doing unsafe things, please stay safe” with a triumphant “SEE I TOLD YOU THEY WERE ALL ABUSERS,” you are doing the exact opposite of helping…

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Anonymous asked: Hey, I do understand that certain kinks are problematic (like the anime underage problem you discussed earlier), I was wondering what exactly you meant by the 'kinkshaming' part of your url.

loraxofsex:

3liza:

collaterlysisters:

commiekinkshamer:

collaterlysisters:

commiekinkshamer:

it’s kind of a tongue in cheek term. people who often want to deny that kinks can be problematic refer to kink critical people as “kink shamers” 

This is the perfect example of why “problematic” is becoming, if it has not always been, so worthless. What problems do you suppose are being caused, and how does the subjects’ admission that their kinks Are Problematic ameliorate the problems?

There are issues with the word of course but i don’t feel the need to expand on that here since i think anon gets what I mean. The whole point of being kink critical is analyzing kink as reflective of social power relations (and of course, not all kinks are “equal” or even relevant to this analysis -liking handcuffs in the bedroom, for instance, is pretty harmless imo) like anything else. analyzing how seemingly harmless or normalized activities and mindsets actually perpetuate and reproduce oppression is a key component of any critical theory and I see no reason why kinks like rape and race play fetishes. dd/lg etc should be exempt.

Yeah but that’s all you guys ever say, “it shouldn’t be exempt.” “Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum.” “Power dynamics exist.” Ok? I’m with you, now what?

stay the fuck away from my consensual private life, actually!!! including my private self-care and self-therapy practices, which you’ll never hear about anyway!!

I don’t buy the argument that some kinks are “problematic”. What CONSENTING people do in the privacy of their own lives is their business, and there’s nothing problematic about that. If I want to roleplay at consensual non-consent, or at nazism, or at bestiality, or at age-regression, and my partner is into it too, who the fuck is anyone else to tell me that a) I can’t and b) that it’s somehow harmful to someone who isn’t even involved in the gddamn event? Sometimes sexual roleplay is a means of catharsis, of emotional processing, of self-care, of self-medication, and no one who isn’t me or possibly my partner or therapist can tell me that it’s problematic, and even then I don’t have to fucking listen to you if I don’t want to. 

I think it’s true that whatever you do in the bedroom is your business and probably harmless. HOWEVER. Kink communities, like all communities, reproduce power dynamics. Just as I expect anyone to question their desire in relation to their individual location and their privilege, just as I expect cis dykes to question why they don’t fuck or date trans women, I expect kinksters to question their desire. What does it mean for a white person to engage in Master/slave relationships? What does it mean for cishet white men to only fuck and play with submissive women, to only be turned on when they get to treat women like property, especially when so often those men turn out to be genuinely in-real-life truly misogynist? The number of non-sexist men and the number of straight Tumblr Daddy doms doesn’t match up. The whiteness of kink scenes, representative of societal and systemic white supremacy, and the appropriation of “slave” relationships is “problematic”. I think often people condescendingly assume that kinksters haven’t thought this stuff through, but also I think the vast majority of kinksters don’t think this stuff through.

I say all this as an active white leatherdyke for whom Daddy/girl is the nexus of most stuff I find hot: extreme gender, degradation, humiliation, and submission.

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WHY ISN’T THIS GAY I WANNA GOOOOOOO:

_____ vous invite à un événement BDSM où les princesses sont à l’honneur.

Chères jolies, délicates et espiègles princesses, venez charmer la galerie avec tous vos atours : vos robes somptueuses, vos décolletés enivrants, votre langage corporel innocemment aguichant…
N’ayez crainte, Walt Disney restera congelé.

Le costume n’est pas obligatoire, mais pour toutes les personnes qui porteront un costume de princesse, le prix d’entrée sera seulement de 10$.

Rassurez-vous, chères princesses, DomLEspace aura pour l’occasion une ceinture de chasteté, pour éviter d’avoir des érections répétées durant la soirée.

Avis aux princesses intéressées, une chasse au trésor sera lancée pour trouver la clé qui dévoilera le trésor enfoui sous la ceinture de chasteté! Des petites images entremêlées d’énigmes vont vous amener d’un endroit à l’autre, jusqu’au mot de passe ultime qui vous donnera la clé.

Pour toutes les princesses qui veulent participer, vous devrez trouver le Maître des Clés qui vous donnera le premier indice qui vous permettra de commencer la chasse au trésor…

Et à la fin, ils vécurent heureux et eurent beaucoup d’enfants…
Ah non, c’est vrai, ils portaient toujours des condoms!

(i also dunno that i’d feel comfortable in a truly franco bdsm space since i can’t eviscerate straight men in french.)

Photoset

anagrammaton:

sweet-arts:

Here’s Cindomrella, a stupid, ridiculous porn comic I drew a while back. Enjoy!

uHM BUT THIS IS ADORABLE???

omggggggggggggg

(via a-submissive-dominance)

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Round-up of Erotica Featuring Characters with Mental Health Issues

tgstonebutch:

(updated 12/1/13)

Here is a round-up of the erotic fiction I know that features characters with mental health issues. It is substantively skewed to BDSM erotic fiction, and queer erotica, as I am much more likely to read that. It is not as thorough as I…

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HELLO, THERE!

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pervertsofcolor:


BLACK PERVERT is a feature-length documentary exploring alternative sexuality – kink – within the black community. It is scheduled for release in 2015.
www.truestoriesproductions.com

pervertsofcolor:

BLACK PERVERT is a feature-length documentary exploring alternative sexuality – kink – within the black community. It is scheduled for release in 2015.

www.truestoriesproductions.com

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kinkycasey:

herdirtylittleheart:

(Although I don’t often answer ask messages publicly, I know this is a question some of us struggle with as we’re trying to understand our own sexualities and what feels good to us. Especially for dynamics as taboo as Daddy Dominant/Little submissive. I wanted to respond to this concern without making it a personal attack on the person who sent it so I have removed their identifying information.)
While I completely understand your concern I don’t share your view. I think that sometimes the absolute ickiness of child abuse and sex crimes can make people panic and get lost in emotionally based arguments. 
It doesn’t make any sense to say that personal sexual practices between consenting adults can be responsible for a pedophile harming, abusing and traumatizing a child. I happen to work with victims of sexual abuse, I consider myself well educated on the subject and it is my professional and personal opinion that the burden of change lies in the hands of those who are doing wrong. Pedophilia is not caused by porn or fantasizing. Modern research and my professional experiences dictate that pedophilia is a diagnosable and treatable psychological condition, and often perpetrators were victims of incest and abuse themselves. 
Would you say that pet role play encourages and validates those who abuse animals sexually? I call one of my partners Kitten. Am I now opening up a window for telling people fucking cats is okay? 
Do typical bdsm torture scenes validate and encourage military personnel who participate in torture practices?
One of my partners has a medical play fetish and fantasizes about it often on her blog. Would you also agree that this validates and encourages abuse from medical professionals?
To me saying that consensual role play between adults is fuelling the abuse of children is akin to saying short skirts are fuelling the rape epidemic. It’s putting the burden of proof and change in the hands of those who are not the perpetrators. 
Also it’s important to note the name “Daddy” has had multiple contexts for a very long time, calling your partner Daddy is not something new or something Tumblr invented. Just listen to Janis Joplin (Ball and Chain from the ‘60’s for example) or watch movies from the ‘50’s when everyone was a cool Daddy-o. The term was much more socially acceptable then. Many couples call each other “baby” and nobody thinks of this as strange or inappropriate. 
In the context I use I am referring to a Daddy Dominant, which is a specific dynamic between sub and dominant. It refers to a more nurturing, loving, playful dynamic. You can read more about that here or here or here.
My own thoughts about why this dynamic is powerful for me can be read here:  here or here or here. And here too. 
Personally, having a stable, loving, healthy relationship with my Daddy Dom is helping me to repair some pretty heavy childhood traumas. And interestingly, my Daddy, who doesn’t have a relationship with his actual Father, finds it therapeutic to be acting out the role of the loving Father he never had. To know that these nurturing and loving qualities are inside of him regardless of the fact that he didn’t learn them by example has been very powerful healing. What we do in the bedroom is nobody’s business. As the great Ben Harper once said “my choice is what I choose to do… and if it’s causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you.”
I can empathize with you, the way that some people incorporate age play and incest play can also make me uncomfortable personally, but I also recognize that in many circumstances kink and role play is a way for people to repair and reclaim their pasts, to work through traumatic events in a way that feels safe for them. And I think that is really healthy. (More on that here if you are interested.)
Abusing children is unconscionable, to suggest that people won’t know the difference between an adult molesting and sexually abusing a child, and a grown woman who writes actively about the benefits of her kink saying “Spank me Daddy” seems ridiculous to me. 
Part of the problem with taboos and stigmas is that they are a way of policing people’s sexuality. Women especially have been affected by this. The Daddy Dominant/Little Submissive dynamic is one that makes a lot of women feel safe and loved, even as they explore things society has told them they shouldn’t want or have. As with other such myths (ex: sodomy leads to incontinence,  masturbation makes you a lazy lover, swingers all have diseases, nobody wants a girl ‘with experience’) the facts often get muddled by shame and fear.  Understanding and enjoying my fetishes DOES NOT MAKE ME SELFISH! Wearing pigtails and calling your lover Daddy while he fucks you does not make you responsible for the ills of society. Nor does writing about on your blog. I don’t post minors on my blog. I don’t write about or condone the abuse and sexualization of children. If it makes you uncomfortable you don’t need to follow.  
*steps off soap box awkwardly and twirls hair*

I really love what heart has to say and I’m glad she found the bravery to post this response. I’d like to also point out that everything she’s said here is not only backed up by her experience, but by research,
"Ageplay is not considered to be related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.
Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one’s youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants. For example, roleplaying a “teacher/student”, “daddy/daughter”, or “doctor/patient” theme, during sexual activity, may be common in sexual ageplay.”
P.S. Is it sad that this made me miss anon DD/lg hate?


^^^^^^^. for me, as soon as it feels like a partner truly believes power exchange is inherently what they’re entitled to, it’s over. (this is why i pretty much have nothing to do with straight men; they’re physically fab but i’ve straight-up never met one whom i was both into and who didn’t have that sense of entitlement.)

kinkycasey:

herdirtylittleheart:

(Although I don’t often answer ask messages publicly, I know this is a question some of us struggle with as we’re trying to understand our own sexualities and what feels good to us. Especially for dynamics as taboo as Daddy Dominant/Little submissive. I wanted to respond to this concern without making it a personal attack on the person who sent it so I have removed their identifying information.)

While I completely understand your concern I don’t share your view. I think that sometimes the absolute ickiness of child abuse and sex crimes can make people panic and get lost in emotionally based arguments. 

It doesn’t make any sense to say that personal sexual practices between consenting adults can be responsible for a pedophile harming, abusing and traumatizing a child. I happen to work with victims of sexual abuse, I consider myself well educated on the subject and it is my professional and personal opinion that the burden of change lies in the hands of those who are doing wrong. Pedophilia is not caused by porn or fantasizing. Modern research and my professional experiences dictate that pedophilia is a diagnosable and treatable psychological condition, and often perpetrators were victims of incest and abuse themselves

Would you say that pet role play encourages and validates those who abuse animals sexually? I call one of my partners Kitten. Am I now opening up a window for telling people fucking cats is okay? 

Do typical bdsm torture scenes validate and encourage military personnel who participate in torture practices?

One of my partners has a medical play fetish and fantasizes about it often on her blog. Would you also agree that this validates and encourages abuse from medical professionals?

To me saying that consensual role play between adults is fuelling the abuse of children is akin to saying short skirts are fuelling the rape epidemic. It’s putting the burden of proof and change in the hands of those who are not the perpetrators. 

Also it’s important to note the name “Daddy” has had multiple contexts for a very long time, calling your partner Daddy is not something new or something Tumblr invented. Just listen to Janis Joplin (Ball and Chain from the ‘60’s for example) or watch movies from the ‘50’s when everyone was a cool Daddy-o. The term was much more socially acceptable then. Many couples call each other “baby” and nobody thinks of this as strange or inappropriate. 

In the context I use I am referring to a Daddy Dominant, which is a specific dynamic between sub and dominant. It refers to a more nurturing, loving, playful dynamic. You can read more about that here or here or here.

My own thoughts about why this dynamic is powerful for me can be read here:  here or here or here. And here too

Personally, having a stable, loving, healthy relationship with my Daddy Dom is helping me to repair some pretty heavy childhood traumas. And interestingly, my Daddy, who doesn’t have a relationship with his actual Father, finds it therapeutic to be acting out the role of the loving Father he never had. To know that these nurturing and loving qualities are inside of him regardless of the fact that he didn’t learn them by example has been very powerful healing. What we do in the bedroom is nobody’s business. As the great Ben Harper once said “my choice is what I choose to do… and if it’s causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you.

I can empathize with you, the way that some people incorporate age play and incest play can also make me uncomfortable personally, but I also recognize that in many circumstances kink and role play is a way for people to repair and reclaim their pasts, to work through traumatic events in a way that feels safe for them. And I think that is really healthy. (More on that here if you are interested.)

Abusing children is unconscionable, to suggest that people won’t know the difference between an adult molesting and sexually abusing a child, and a grown woman who writes actively about the benefits of her kink saying “Spank me Daddy” seems ridiculous to me. 

Part of the problem with taboos and stigmas is that they are a way of policing people’s sexuality. Women especially have been affected by this. The Daddy Dominant/Little Submissive dynamic is one that makes a lot of women feel safe and loved, even as they explore things society has told them they shouldn’t want or have. As with other such myths (ex: sodomy leads to incontinence,  masturbation makes you a lazy lover, swingers all have diseases, nobody wants a girl ‘with experience’) the facts often get muddled by shame and fear.  Understanding and enjoying my fetishes DOES NOT MAKE ME SELFISH! Wearing pigtails and calling your lover Daddy while he fucks you does not make you responsible for the ills of society. Nor does writing about on your blog. I don’t post minors on my blog. I don’t write about or condone the abuse and sexualization of children. If it makes you uncomfortable you don’t need to follow.  

*steps off soap box awkwardly and twirls hair*

I really love what heart has to say and I’m glad she found the bravery to post this response. I’d like to also point out that everything she’s said here is not only backed up by her experience, but by research,

"Ageplay is not considered to be related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.

Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one’s youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants. For example, roleplaying a “teacher/student”, “daddy/daughter”, or “doctor/patient” theme, during sexual activity, may be common in sexual ageplay.”

P.S. Is it sad that this made me miss anon DD/lg hate?

^^^^^^^. for me, as soon as it feels like a partner truly believes power exchange is inherently what they’re entitled to, it’s over. (this is why i pretty much have nothing to do with straight men; they’re physically fab but i’ve straight-up never met one whom i was both into and who didn’t have that sense of entitlement.)

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learninghowtotellyou:

"Did I say you could get so wet?" I felt spit fly off my lips when I said it. We’d been wrestling. Chasing each other around the house. I’d finally caught her in the living room and shoved her ass onto the tiny couch. Her forehead was under my hand. Her head pressed against the wall. She was…

WELL creeping a sinclair sexsmith/bd swain twitter exchange paid off well for me tonight. jesus.

Tags: girl D/s O/p porn bdsm
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in other fetlife wins, there’s a hilarious frenglish thread about how to talk about being an owned pet in french that involves a jokesie about exorcism for one’s li’l tigress.

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Attention all “Kink” and “Fetish” and “BDSM” Blogs in this Bitch

themerrymisnomer:

1. Put more brown/PoC (people of color for those who are freshly brand new) on your shit cause I like variety and we exist like a mother fucker (see what I did there just now)

2. Show more queer/genderqueer doms, subs, switches, whatever-relations because I’m tryna do my thing from complete scratch here and it’s like searching for the Holy-fucking-Grail trying to find a GQ Dom of color to take notes from on this damn website.

3. Thank you for reading this. Please reblog.

(via sexgenderbody)

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i can’t quite believe i’m posting a video with a starting still that says RIOT FOLK but it’s an adorable bdsm folk song! via andrea zanin.

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One less reason to worry about losing any future kids I might have!

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Please reblog this if you’re into BDSM :)

masterspreciouskitten:

luxvivacious:

This includes, but is not limited to:
•Daddies
•Babygirls
•Pets
•Brats
•Princes/Princesses
•Masters/Sirs

•Whoever YOU are :D

I want to follow and chat with as many of you as I can!

meow!

xoxo kitten

dyke babygirl sans daddy these days topping bois ‘n’ boys sometimes bratty sometimes mean sometimes fagdaddy aggressively feminine subsuming masculinity ladybro femme.

(Source: luxxy-chan, via fawningforana)

Tags: me bdsm