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kinkycasey:

herdirtylittleheart:

(Although I don’t often answer ask messages publicly, I know this is a question some of us struggle with as we’re trying to understand our own sexualities and what feels good to us. Especially for dynamics as taboo as Daddy Dominant/Little submissive. I wanted to respond to this concern without making it a personal attack on the person who sent it so I have removed their identifying information.)
While I completely understand your concern I don’t share your view. I think that sometimes the absolute ickiness of child abuse and sex crimes can make people panic and get lost in emotionally based arguments. 
It doesn’t make any sense to say that personal sexual practices between consenting adults can be responsible for a pedophile harming, abusing and traumatizing a child. I happen to work with victims of sexual abuse, I consider myself well educated on the subject and it is my professional and personal opinion that the burden of change lies in the hands of those who are doing wrong. Pedophilia is not caused by porn or fantasizing. Modern research and my professional experiences dictate that pedophilia is a diagnosable and treatable psychological condition, and often perpetrators were victims of incest and abuse themselves. 
Would you say that pet role play encourages and validates those who abuse animals sexually? I call one of my partners Kitten. Am I now opening up a window for telling people fucking cats is okay? 
Do typical bdsm torture scenes validate and encourage military personnel who participate in torture practices?
One of my partners has a medical play fetish and fantasizes about it often on her blog. Would you also agree that this validates and encourages abuse from medical professionals?
To me saying that consensual role play between adults is fuelling the abuse of children is akin to saying short skirts are fuelling the rape epidemic. It’s putting the burden of proof and change in the hands of those who are not the perpetrators. 
Also it’s important to note the name “Daddy” has had multiple contexts for a very long time, calling your partner Daddy is not something new or something Tumblr invented. Just listen to Janis Joplin (Ball and Chain from the ‘60’s for example) or watch movies from the ‘50’s when everyone was a cool Daddy-o. The term was much more socially acceptable then. Many couples call each other “baby” and nobody thinks of this as strange or inappropriate. 
In the context I use I am referring to a Daddy Dominant, which is a specific dynamic between sub and dominant. It refers to a more nurturing, loving, playful dynamic. You can read more about that here or here or here.
My own thoughts about why this dynamic is powerful for me can be read here:  here or here or here. And here too. 
Personally, having a stable, loving, healthy relationship with my Daddy Dom is helping me to repair some pretty heavy childhood traumas. And interestingly, my Daddy, who doesn’t have a relationship with his actual Father, finds it therapeutic to be acting out the role of the loving Father he never had. To know that these nurturing and loving qualities are inside of him regardless of the fact that he didn’t learn them by example has been very powerful healing. What we do in the bedroom is nobody’s business. As the great Ben Harper once said “my choice is what I choose to do… and if it’s causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you.”
I can empathize with you, the way that some people incorporate age play and incest play can also make me uncomfortable personally, but I also recognize that in many circumstances kink and role play is a way for people to repair and reclaim their pasts, to work through traumatic events in a way that feels safe for them. And I think that is really healthy. (More on that here if you are interested.)
Abusing children is unconscionable, to suggest that people won’t know the difference between an adult molesting and sexually abusing a child, and a grown woman who writes actively about the benefits of her kink saying “Spank me Daddy” seems ridiculous to me. 
Part of the problem with taboos and stigmas is that they are a way of policing people’s sexuality. Women especially have been affected by this. The Daddy Dominant/Little Submissive dynamic is one that makes a lot of women feel safe and loved, even as they explore things society has told them they shouldn’t want or have. As with other such myths (ex: sodomy leads to incontinence,  masturbation makes you a lazy lover, swingers all have diseases, nobody wants a girl ‘with experience’) the facts often get muddled by shame and fear.  Understanding and enjoying my fetishes DOES NOT MAKE ME SELFISH! Wearing pigtails and calling your lover Daddy while he fucks you does not make you responsible for the ills of society. Nor does writing about on your blog. I don’t post minors on my blog. I don’t write about or condone the abuse and sexualization of children. If it makes you uncomfortable you don’t need to follow.  
*steps off soap box awkwardly and twirls hair*

I really love what heart has to say and I’m glad she found the bravery to post this response. I’d like to also point out that everything she’s said here is not only backed up by her experience, but by research,
"Ageplay is not considered to be related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.
Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one’s youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants. For example, roleplaying a “teacher/student”, “daddy/daughter”, or “doctor/patient” theme, during sexual activity, may be common in sexual ageplay.”
P.S. Is it sad that this made me miss anon DD/lg hate?


^^^^^^^. for me, as soon as it feels like a partner truly believes power exchange is inherently what they’re entitled to, it’s over. (this is why i pretty much have nothing to do with straight men; they’re physically fab but i’ve straight-up never met one whom i was both into and who didn’t have that sense of entitlement.)

kinkycasey:

herdirtylittleheart:

(Although I don’t often answer ask messages publicly, I know this is a question some of us struggle with as we’re trying to understand our own sexualities and what feels good to us. Especially for dynamics as taboo as Daddy Dominant/Little submissive. I wanted to respond to this concern without making it a personal attack on the person who sent it so I have removed their identifying information.)

While I completely understand your concern I don’t share your view. I think that sometimes the absolute ickiness of child abuse and sex crimes can make people panic and get lost in emotionally based arguments. 

It doesn’t make any sense to say that personal sexual practices between consenting adults can be responsible for a pedophile harming, abusing and traumatizing a child. I happen to work with victims of sexual abuse, I consider myself well educated on the subject and it is my professional and personal opinion that the burden of change lies in the hands of those who are doing wrong. Pedophilia is not caused by porn or fantasizing. Modern research and my professional experiences dictate that pedophilia is a diagnosable and treatable psychological condition, and often perpetrators were victims of incest and abuse themselves

Would you say that pet role play encourages and validates those who abuse animals sexually? I call one of my partners Kitten. Am I now opening up a window for telling people fucking cats is okay? 

Do typical bdsm torture scenes validate and encourage military personnel who participate in torture practices?

One of my partners has a medical play fetish and fantasizes about it often on her blog. Would you also agree that this validates and encourages abuse from medical professionals?

To me saying that consensual role play between adults is fuelling the abuse of children is akin to saying short skirts are fuelling the rape epidemic. It’s putting the burden of proof and change in the hands of those who are not the perpetrators. 

Also it’s important to note the name “Daddy” has had multiple contexts for a very long time, calling your partner Daddy is not something new or something Tumblr invented. Just listen to Janis Joplin (Ball and Chain from the ‘60’s for example) or watch movies from the ‘50’s when everyone was a cool Daddy-o. The term was much more socially acceptable then. Many couples call each other “baby” and nobody thinks of this as strange or inappropriate. 

In the context I use I am referring to a Daddy Dominant, which is a specific dynamic between sub and dominant. It refers to a more nurturing, loving, playful dynamic. You can read more about that here or here or here.

My own thoughts about why this dynamic is powerful for me can be read here:  here or here or here. And here too

Personally, having a stable, loving, healthy relationship with my Daddy Dom is helping me to repair some pretty heavy childhood traumas. And interestingly, my Daddy, who doesn’t have a relationship with his actual Father, finds it therapeutic to be acting out the role of the loving Father he never had. To know that these nurturing and loving qualities are inside of him regardless of the fact that he didn’t learn them by example has been very powerful healing. What we do in the bedroom is nobody’s business. As the great Ben Harper once said “my choice is what I choose to do… and if it’s causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you.

I can empathize with you, the way that some people incorporate age play and incest play can also make me uncomfortable personally, but I also recognize that in many circumstances kink and role play is a way for people to repair and reclaim their pasts, to work through traumatic events in a way that feels safe for them. And I think that is really healthy. (More on that here if you are interested.)

Abusing children is unconscionable, to suggest that people won’t know the difference between an adult molesting and sexually abusing a child, and a grown woman who writes actively about the benefits of her kink saying “Spank me Daddy” seems ridiculous to me. 

Part of the problem with taboos and stigmas is that they are a way of policing people’s sexuality. Women especially have been affected by this. The Daddy Dominant/Little Submissive dynamic is one that makes a lot of women feel safe and loved, even as they explore things society has told them they shouldn’t want or have. As with other such myths (ex: sodomy leads to incontinence,  masturbation makes you a lazy lover, swingers all have diseases, nobody wants a girl ‘with experience’) the facts often get muddled by shame and fear.  Understanding and enjoying my fetishes DOES NOT MAKE ME SELFISH! Wearing pigtails and calling your lover Daddy while he fucks you does not make you responsible for the ills of society. Nor does writing about on your blog. I don’t post minors on my blog. I don’t write about or condone the abuse and sexualization of children. If it makes you uncomfortable you don’t need to follow.  

*steps off soap box awkwardly and twirls hair*

I really love what heart has to say and I’m glad she found the bravery to post this response. I’d like to also point out that everything she’s said here is not only backed up by her experience, but by research,

"Ageplay is not considered to be related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.

Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one’s youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants. For example, roleplaying a “teacher/student”, “daddy/daughter”, or “doctor/patient” theme, during sexual activity, may be common in sexual ageplay.”

P.S. Is it sad that this made me miss anon DD/lg hate?

^^^^^^^. for me, as soon as it feels like a partner truly believes power exchange is inherently what they’re entitled to, it’s over. (this is why i pretty much have nothing to do with straight men; they’re physically fab but i’ve straight-up never met one whom i was both into and who didn’t have that sense of entitlement.)

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HOLY SHIT S-C-R-E-A-M-I-N-G just got the most ridiculous amazing message on fetlife ever. for once, not an old straight dominant man being a douche.

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kinkycasey:

Will you be my Daddy?

(Source: boonarding)

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"

Randy, do you really think that makes one fucking bit of difference? Why do you think so many of our queer brothers and sisters are lining up to get hitched? Because they can’t figure out how to do it without social formalities. Well, we don’t have those, except for collars and keys. And we don’t need ‘em. A vote for gay marriage is a vote for gay divorce, and it’s all bullshit as far as I’m concerned. You love somebody as long as you love them. If they love you back, that’s gravy. You cherish what you have until it changes, it goes away, or you die. It’s real simple. It’s just that people usually think they need to live by complicated principles, not simple ones. You can give me all the air you want about how women are raised different, but I don’t buy it. Sure they are, and maybe you were raised the same way, but then why can I take you into Ringgold Alley and piss on you and not have you call the cops?

"

most adorable fag daddy ever, thank you Carol Queen

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tgstonebutch:

Got A Minute?One of the first kinky stories I ever finished was one I wrote for my first top, who had asked me…View Post

tgstonebutch:

Got A Minute?

One of the first kinky stories I ever finished was one I wrote for my first top, who had asked me…

View Post

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smut from sugarbutch (password protected). queer daddy/boy, morning sex. something lovely about this piece is the valuing of bottoming through the vulnerability of the top.

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queerbetweenthelines:

Put down Fifty Shades of Grey for five minutes and go read some real pulp.
Gender-bending, leather, and even a touch of sweetness here and there…it’s a classic for a reason.

goddammit been meaning to read this for years. i think i keep holding off because it might make me really dead set on finding a fagdaddy to play with and that’s just probably not gonna happen.

queerbetweenthelines:

Put down Fifty Shades of Grey for five minutes and go read some real pulp.

Gender-bending, leather, and even a touch of sweetness here and there…it’s a classic for a reason.

goddammit been meaning to read this for years. i think i keep holding off because it might make me really dead set on finding a fagdaddy to play with and that’s just probably not gonna happen.

(via femmethings)

Tags: femme bdsm daddy
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learninghowtotellyou:

The sun was bright through the slats. She was on her belly, her back striped with shadows, breathtaking on the bed before me. “You can do anything you want to me,” she said, sounding scared and trusting and so very curious.

These were early days and everything was new. I secured her wrists over…

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princesshoneycunt:

7 Fundamental Characteristics of a Daddy Dom

hisdarlinggirl:

(Excerpted from the complete article written by WizarDavid and which I recommend that you follow the link and read)

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost…

oh my. some of this annoys me, but this is pretty exactly right.

and can you just imagine a dyke daddy giving away a femme dyke to her dyke husband? i can’t even explain how hard i swooned at that. 

(Source: lastqueenoftexas)

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TMI Tuesday

because I don’t actually believe there is such a thing as TMI. and all I talk about is sex. ask me things!