(Although I don’t often answer ask messages publicly, I know this is a question some of us struggle with as we’re trying to understand our own sexualities and what feels good to us. Especially for dynamics as taboo as Daddy Dominant/Little submissive. I wanted to respond to this concern without making it a personal attack on the person who sent it so I have removed their identifying information.)
While I completely understand your concern I don’t share your view. I think that sometimes the absolute ickiness of child abuse and sex crimes can make people panic and get lost in emotionally based arguments.
It doesn’t make any sense to say that personal sexual practices between consenting adults can be responsible for a pedophile harming, abusing and traumatizing a child. I happen to work with victims of sexual abuse, I consider myself well educated on the subject and it is my professional and personal opinion that the burden of change lies in the hands of those who are doing wrong. Pedophilia is not caused by porn or fantasizing. Modern research and my professional experiences dictate that pedophilia is a diagnosable and treatable psychological condition, and often perpetrators were victims of incest and abuse themselves.
Would you say that pet role play encourages and validates those who abuse animals sexually? I call one of my partners Kitten. Am I now opening up a window for telling people fucking cats is okay?
Do typical bdsm torture scenes validate and encourage military personnel who participate in torture practices?
One of my partners has a medical play fetish and fantasizes about it often on her blog. Would you also agree that this validates and encourages abuse from medical professionals?
To me saying that consensual role play between adults is fuelling the abuse of children is akin to saying short skirts are fuelling the rape epidemic. It’s putting the burden of proof and change in the hands of those who are not the perpetrators.
Also it’s important to note the name “Daddy” has had multiple contexts for a very long time, calling your partner Daddy is not something new or something Tumblr invented. Just listen to Janis Joplin (Ball and Chain from the ‘60’s for example) or watch movies from the ‘50’s when everyone was a cool Daddy-o. The term was much more socially acceptable then. Many couples call each other “baby” and nobody thinks of this as strange or inappropriate.
In the context I use I am referring to a Daddy Dominant, which is a specific dynamic between sub and dominant. It refers to a more nurturing, loving, playful dynamic. You can read more about that here or here or here.
My own thoughts about why this dynamic is powerful for me can be read here: here or here or here. And here too.
Personally, having a stable, loving, healthy relationship with my Daddy Dom is helping me to repair some pretty heavy childhood traumas. And interestingly, my Daddy, who doesn’t have a relationship with his actual Father, finds it therapeutic to be acting out the role of the loving Father he never had. To know that these nurturing and loving qualities are inside of him regardless of the fact that he didn’t learn them by example has been very powerful healing. What we do in the bedroom is nobody’s business. As the great Ben Harper once said “my choice is what I choose to do… and if it’s causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you.”
I can empathize with you, the way that some people incorporate age play and incest play can also make me uncomfortable personally, but I also recognize that in many circumstances kink and role play is a way for people to repair and reclaim their pasts, to work through traumatic events in a way that feels safe for them. And I think that is really healthy. (More on that here if you are interested.)
Abusing children is unconscionable, to suggest that people won’t know the difference between an adult molesting and sexually abusing a child, and a grown woman who writes actively about the benefits of her kink saying “Spank me Daddy” seems ridiculous to me.
Part of the problem with taboos and stigmas is that they are a way of policing people’s sexuality. Women especially have been affected by this. The Daddy Dominant/Little Submissive dynamic is one that makes a lot of women feel safe and loved, even as they explore things society has told them they shouldn’t want or have. As with other such myths (ex: sodomy leads to incontinence, masturbation makes you a lazy lover, swingers all have diseases, nobody wants a girl ‘with experience’) the facts often get muddled by shame and fear. Understanding and enjoying my fetishes DOES NOT MAKE ME SELFISH! Wearing pigtails and calling your lover Daddy while he fucks you does not make you responsible for the ills of society. Nor does writing about on your blog. I don’t post minors on my blog. I don’t write about or condone the abuse and sexualization of children. If it makes you uncomfortable you don’t need to follow.
*steps off soap box awkwardly and twirls hair*
I really love what heart has to say and I’m glad she found the bravery to post this response. I’d like to also point out that everything she’s said here is not only backed up by her experience, but by research,
Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one’s youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants. For example, roleplaying a “teacher/student”, “daddy/daughter”, or “doctor/patient” theme, during sexual activity, may be common in sexual ageplay.”