"Just because I know what you need before you do does not mean I am obligated to do it. Just because I often know what to say, how to hold your head, or touch your fingerprints or give you space - how to nod, or ask the right questions, when to be quiet - that doesn’t mean it’s my responsibility to do so.
This is the crux of it. I am really good at this. Part of dragging femininity is knowing its tools, knowing the trappings that have clung to, helped, and hurt it over tens of centuries. And honey, I know it inside and out. I can bring you to your knees with what I know about femininity. But it’s not that simple. It’s not about what I can pull out of my pockets, from behind my ear, from the instep of my boot. I am really good at femininity, but that’s the point. I can drag the shit out of it."
— Alex Holding “This Femme’s User Guide” Visible: a femmethology vol. 2, via a Facebook-femme
i love nicki minaj and janelle monae because their aesthetics are so far removed from one another but they both actively attempt to defy traditional standards of beauty in their own completely different ways
i think nicki goes “hyper-feminine” (see: Barbie) and challenges traditional standards of beauty by being LOUD in her femininity in both her demeanor and her appearance. yes she likes pink but not only does she like pink she FUCKING LOVES PINK. furthermore, i think she enjoys appropriating male symbols of power or traditionally masculine clothes and “feminizing” them by (flawlessly) incorporating them into her own outfits. or she makes her feminine outfits threatening by wearing spikes and sharp edges
janelle’s aesthetic is more focused around blurring the lines of traditional femininity and masculinity. janelle’s occasional forays into more traditional standards of beauty for women only make it more obvious that she is saying “I am the one who chooses how I look. Today I choose to look this way for myself and tomorrow I may choose to look differently.” she does things like wear a formal white button up, but with a ribbon neck tie. or strappy heels and an all-white suit with a gorgeous necklace. or a suit-inspired dress with a lot of cleavage. she doesn’t even give a shit about gendered clothing and just wears whatever the fuck she wants
i also love love love that they defy white-centric ideas of beauty. nicki has an alter-ego named barbie… what defies white-centric ideas of beauty more than a woman from trinidad calling herself barbie when mattel refuses to release a doll with brown skin called barbie and instead making her one of “barbie’s friends”?
and janelle is constantly constantly using natural black hair and i think she is constantly paying omage to african and african american culture in her aesthetic… i would be shocked if her cover for archandroid wasnt inspired by queen nefertiti
anyways i just love how these ladies dress themselves because i see it as a big middle finger to traditional ideas of how black women should look and i think that’s just great bye
(Source: thethomastheorem, via hohohomoarigato)
yo automatically labelling every guy wearing a dress genderqueer/trans* is harmful, because what you are basically saying is that no man can ever engage in femininity - whereas women have been wearing trousers and suits for years and yet those traditionally masculine items of clothing are ‘gender neutral’. you’re trying to break down archaic gender roles but you’re just enforcing them in a different way. masculinity is not neutral. c’mon.
(Source: featherframe, via startedwellthatsentence)
"Imagine you’re at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says “Come on, one drink!” You say “no thanks.” Later, he brings you a soda. “I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but I was getting one for myself and you looked thirsty.” For you to refuse at this point makes you the asshole. He’s just being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude against us. If you drink the drink, you’re teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to overcome your “no.” If you say “Really, I appreciate it, but no thanks” and put the drink down and walk away from it, you’re the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didn’t ask for the drink and you don’t want the drink and you don’t have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated."
The art of “no,” continued: Saying no when you’ve already said yes. (via lets-go-lesbos)
This goes for all the things. Not just guys, not just creeps, not just strangers. It goes for bosses, family, friends, lovers. Don’t you ever goddamn forget it, and don’t you worry your pretty little head over explaining yourself, either.
(Source: heavenearthandhoratio, via fitforafemme)
how the fuck do i keep forgetting i saw beyoncé in july?