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red-violins:

one of the toughest aspects of mental illness is how often your goals fall by the wayside because the only goal you can afford is survival.

(via queerasinfuckyou)

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Anonymous said: in regards to "safe, sane, consensual" and how the idea of sanity is pretty ableist - what do you think about mentally ill people playing? i have never had a kinky partner before but i always feel nervous that, i don't know, maybe i like to top because it serves as an outlet to my anxiety, and maybe thats an unhealthy way to deal, stuff like that, you know? how do you know whats okay?

sandyfarquhar:

latinosexuality:

safeword:

i feel fine about mentally ill people playing! i think that every single one of us needs to do serious thinking about our motivations and serious communication around consent to do this stuff and that’s just as true for a person with mental illness as anyone else.

people with mental illnesses individually know themselves better than i know them as a whole; i trust them to make decisions about whether they personally, at a given moment, feel okay consenting to things or gauging another person’s consent, or evaluating their own desires. i trust them if they say “i am fine” as much as i trust any other person raised in rape culture without mental illness (which is to say, kinda not but it’s the best we can do sometimes); i also trust them to say “my thinking is warped right now and i shouldn’t do this until i have clearer perspective/control/communication”. i trust them to do both those things for themselves without anyone on the outside imposing on them.

like a person without mental illness, i also invite you (and anyone else) to decide to put things to the side if you don’t feel confident they’re in the best interests of yourself and your partner/s.

also i think can be a fantastic outlet for playing out stress, anxiety, insecurity, etc, if done in productive, self-aware ways with strong communication channels and willing, informed partners. i think it’s a great sandbox for working out stuff and can actually be really healthy/productive and idk about thinking of it as “medical treatment” but a lot of people find some kink practices very relieving of their symptoms.

so really, like anyone else… it’s up to you to decide.

there are disability advocates into kink. they are well known and do several workshops, lectures and the like regarding these topics, in addition to how to make kink spaces and communities less ableist for people with various disabilities. 

some folks to look out for/reach out to include:

bethany stevens at crip confessions 

robin wilson-beattie at Sex Abled (coming by end of October) a Black woman w/a disability who is active in kink community and who does this for a living!

if you need to get in contact with them feel free to reach out to me.

this is such a good post? izzy is very smart. i am reblogging this for everyone who really needs to know about ableism, kink, and mental health—at 4 am. probably a large demographic tbh

(if you’re on tumblr at 4 am and you follow this blog, let’s face it, you probably have a vested interest in at least one of those topics)

fucking thank you / remember the time i went to my first leatherdyke weekend completely alone and thought i shouldn’t take my xanax because i wouldn’t be sober / last year at the same one i facilitated a workshop about this and might do it again in Mtl in 2015

Link

This is a dirt road
           a dirt road

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"The Strength card is facing down your own beasties. They slide their tentacles out from underneath your bed, creep up towards you, roar in your face. And you wrap firm fingers around the backs of their necks and pull them to your breast. You say to yourself, “I know, baby,” and take a step forward anyways: you let go, you show up, you forgive, you dig out your own rot and you reach out and you ask, do you want to be my friend? You forgive yourself for birthing your own beasties. You look into their beastie eyes that roll and blink, trying to hypnotize you into a stillness that will make you easy to strangle. When you breathe your chest against theirs, it is they who still, who lull, who curl up kitten-like in your palm."
—me, “Wedding Cards, Wedding Vows,” 2013 

"The Strength card is facing down your own beasties. They slide their tentacles out from underneath your bed, creep up towards you, roar in your face. And you wrap firm fingers around the backs of their necks and pull them to your breast. You say to yourself, “I know, baby,” and take a step forward anyways: you let go, you show up, you forgive, you dig out your own rot and you reach out and you ask, do you want to be my friend? You forgive yourself for birthing your own beasties. You look into their beastie eyes that roll and blink, trying to hypnotize you into a stillness that will make you easy to strangle. When you breathe your chest against theirs, it is they who still, who lull, who curl up kitten-like in your palm."

—me, “Wedding Cards, Wedding Vows,” 2013 

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THE NEW DISEASE CAME. I LEARN THAT TIME DOES NOT HEAL. EVERYTHING GETS WORSE WITH DAYS. I HAVE SPOTS LIKE A DOG. I COUGH AND CANNOT TURN MY HEAD. I CONSIDER SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE I DO NOT LIKE. I NEED TO LIE BACK TO FRONT WITH SOMEONE WHO ADORES ME. I WILL THINK MORE BEFORE I CANNOT. I LOVE MY MIND WHEN IT IS FUCKING THE CRACKS OF EVENTS. I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW IN CASE IT IS OF USE. I WANT TO GO TO THE FUTURE PLEASE.

—Jenny Holzer

(Source: lly-k, via aloofshahbanou)

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our relationship has been awful for weeks and now it’s official: sleep has dumped the fuck out of me.

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animedavidbowie:

unrecognizedpotential:

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)

More people need to know this.

This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.

animedavidbowie:

unrecognizedpotential:

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.

When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.

Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.

 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.

If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.

Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.

Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.

Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.

Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.

A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.

Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

(via The Darling Bakers)

More people need to know this.

This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.

(via malindalo)

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love waking up physically ill with anxiety.

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good things: tiny edition

  • "don’t fuck with me don’t fuck with me," the flawless first line of dj eko’s soultronica volume 5 (how did it never occur to me before tonight that if there was a volume 2 more volumes might have come after me). 
  • this work week is over, and i made great decisions about how to manage having way too much on my plate
  • i did all the essential things this week
  • including all the ninety billion essential work tasks, despite having way too many essential work tasks
  • i finally made time for a sensitive work-related convo today and it went so well and i’m back to loving my job (i hate you/don’t leave me: not just about human beings in the borderline heart)
  • it’s my fucking weekend finally
  • just discovered that “colomb” is in soultronica volume 4 so that’s downloading
  • don’t even care that it’s freezing outside i’m drinking raspberry leaf tea under my down duvet with my headphones on
  • okay i’m over being online time to get back to the scorpio races, a perfect treat after finally getting through bonheur d’occasion after seven years of procrastination
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just sent one of those horrifically humiliating emails where you have to ask your friends to make an extra effort to act like your friends because you are so depressed and your bpd keeps telling you no one really likes you. this is so boring. can’t it just be summer yet? in summer i don’t care how many hands and arms touch my skin because the sun will do it enough for me to survive on.

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yilduza said: BPD has four main symptom pillars: relationship difficulties (often overly focused on in media & literature, at least partially because so much of the literature is ableist and focuses on the effect of BPD on those AROUND the person diagnosed), emotional instability, impaired perception and reasoning, and impulsivity. An unstable/unreal sense of identity is often also a factor that affects each of those four symptom clusters as well.

this is maybe the most succinct accessible flawless definition of bpd i have ever seen!

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dear self

step 1: have the feelings

step 2: say/do things based on them

stop interrupting yourself by categorizing.