so i replied to that okc guy. sent that benevolent sexism image being like “this is how i feel about your theory; generally when straight white guys wanna ‘debate’ me it’s time to gtfo” and this was his reply:

Well thanks for taking the time to judge me and write me off based solely on my race and your inaccurate assumption of my sexual preferences. It’s true that us white, straight dudes are incapable of an original compelling thought, but gosh darn it I’m just so stubborn (SO like a man) I’m gonna give it a shot anyway. I’ve heard the benevolent sexism argument before, though usually only from those who refuse to even listen to an opposing thought. You don’t strike me as the close-minded sort, but I’ve been wrong before. 

I don’t put women on a pedestal. I will admit I used to. But I learned a long time ago that there are just as many shitty human beings with vaginas as there are with cocks. The women that I have known who inspire me, however, are so strong, fiercely independent and such amazingly capable human beings, that the idea of anything getting in the way of them accomplishing their goals is just laughable. Do they encounter sexism? I’m sure they do. But they overcome it just like every other obstacle in their path, the same as anyone else who wants to succeed in life. And no, I’m not saying this from my position of success that I achieved by overcoming all the obstacles straight white men face. I’m an underachieving deadbeat who’s never come close to fulfilling his potential. But that’s MY fault. It’s not because I had an elderly, man-hating lesbian for a teacher or a boss at some point in my life. Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own successes and failures. 

As for small, chivalrous acts of kindness; doing something for someone does not automatically imply that you think that person is incapable of doing that thing for themselves. I open doors for a lot of people. I hold doors open for just about anyone inside of a ten step radius. I will step ahead and open a door for anyone who is has their hands full. And yes, I will generally open doors for women. Again, part of this is directly inspired by the fact that women shoulder the exclusive burden of carrying and giving birth to children. From what I’ve heard, large, heaping portions of the process are fairly unpleasant in ways that I, as a man, will never understand. I don’t think it’s damaging to women for me to appreciate that fact, and open a door from time to time. 

You talk about sexism, and yet you just decided based on my race, sex, and sexual preference that A) I have no original or compelling ideas to offer in a debate, and I’m guessing by your use of quotation marks that B) I’m not even interested in an actual debate, but only using it as a clever ploy to get in your pants. Am I to understand that that isn’t sexist? I’ve never used a clever poly to get laid in my life. I rely solely on my genuine honesty, rapier wit, and charmingly awkward John Cusack style rambling. The bottom line is, no matter how careful you are to respect and treat everyone equally, no matter how truly pure your internal thoughts, feelings and intentions are, there will always be someone out there to misinterpret you. You’re right, there is a lot of sexism out there. And racism, and classism, and all sorts of other “isms” that are constantly perpetuated by small-minded, hateful souls who just want to hurt others to fill the void inside. But every time you misjudge a straight, white man without giving him a chance, you’re letting those hateful empty souls win. Worse, you’re doing their job for them. Not everyone’s an enemy. Sometimes an act of kindness is just that. 

Good luck to you as well. I’m sorry for wasting your time. 

"Also, just saw your answer to the chivalry vs sexism question here, and consequently added an explanation to mine. I would love to have that debate with you. See if my theory sparks any interest?"



"Sex with men occasionally could be fine. It was their point of view that was troubling."

— Eileen Myles, Inferno (via lookerlooker)

(via fuckyeahlesbianliterature)